I was never one of Those Girls. You know the kind. They primp and preen and pout and prance and other p-words. They're twits. They're the kind of girls who, when they get engaged, turn into complete and total lunatics. They're the kind of girls I hated in high school and who, at my 10 year reunion, had not changed one bit despite the five urchins they'd managed to pop out before the age of 28. (Have I mentioned I went to a super conservative Christian high school?)
So, when Hot Pants proposed, I immediately swore to myself I wouldn't worry about stupid shit that didn't matter when it came to planning the wedding. Um, yeah. Here is the list of minutiae I have managed to focus on while losing sight of the bigger picture items, such as the reception menu and the ceremony.
1. Shoes. I am not wearing shoes during the ceremony. I've wanted to be barefoot at my wedding since I was a little girl, though I can't really remember why. Probably has something to do with the hippies who raised me. Anyway, part of the reception is outside, so I decided I needed shoes for that. But you can't wear old shoes on your wedding day! You must buy brand new shoes that are shiny and pretty. I've bought three pair so far (yes, three) and I'm pretty sure I've decided on which ones to wear, but that could all go out the window the second I run across another pair of adorable flip-flops with sparkly flowers on top. Or striped ballet slippers. Or another pair of green Chuck Taylors. Or those kitten heeled peep toe shoes!
2. Earrings. Oh, dear God, the earrings. My dress has an antique look to it, so I wanted art deco earrings. But I also wanted vintage, which can be pricey. And I need them to go with my grandmother's pearl necklace. Or do I scrap the necklace and wear big, long sparkly statement earrings? Is it more important to wear heirloom jewelry, even if it isn't the Perfect Pair of Earrings? Still, I want to honor the women who helped make me who I am today, even if they didn't wear beautiful tear drop earrings with filigree and crystals. People, I have been to a ton of weddings in the last three years and I cannot tell you what the earrings looked like on a single one of those brides. Chances are, I could wear radishes in my ears and no one would bat an eye. And, yes, I have bought two different pairs of earrings that I still don't think are quite right. The quest continues.
3. Envelope liners. Wow, did I ever have a quandary on my hands when I found out about envelope liners. See, our invites are really cool but kind of plain, so I was looking for ways to gussy up the invites without a) spending a lot of cash and b) making them too froofy. Envelope liners seemed perfect. I had visions of making them myself (all the cool DIY brides are doing it), but that went out the window when I thought about actually having to execute that plan. And then I debated whether I should get them at all considering envelopes are the first thing to go in the recycling bin in our household. Who gives a shit if the damn things are lined? Spend that money on booze! Besides, I was having a hell of a time finding the right size since we apparently chose the largest envelopes known to man. All the cute patterns are for the dainty little envelopes that only eat three bites before saying they're full and wear cute little dresses without looking ridiculous. I hate those bitches. After several days of searches (both on the Internet and in my soul), I found some cool liners for cheap that will look awesome with our invites. Done.
