Farewell, Rocky

In what is probably a harbinger for the rest of the journalism industry, Denver's Rocky Mountain News published it last edition today. The newspapers shut its doors after 150 years because its parent company, Scripps, couldn't sell off the newspaper, which lost out in its long running battle with the Denver Post as the top morning publication in the Mile High City.

You can see a PDF of the last front page and flip through each page here. Take the time to watch the video on the newspaper Web site. Read the columns by veteran reporters about their time at the newspaper. Peruse the photo galleries. Take a trip down memory lane with a history of their top news coverage. Each item is a eulogy, a mourning of the evolution of the news business, which is leaving behind a storied history as it downsizes its way toward rebirth. Or, at least, what I hope is rebirth. It's yet to be seen if any of my colleagues are members of a dying breed or pioneers on the precipice of the next news era.

Farewell, Rocky. I sure do hope you are the exception, not the rule.

Scenes from my life

Bed, Bath & Beyond, cutting board aisle. Hot Pants and I are perusing the cutting boards, as ours is warped and cracking. I notice something called the Onion Saver, which is a plastic container shaped like an onion.

Me: Did you see this neat-o onion saver thing? You use it to keep onions you have sliced fresh and happy.

Overzealous BB&B worker: AREN'T THEY GREAT? YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BUY ONE!!!!

Me, a little shaken by how loud she is: Um, yes. They look neat. Thanks for your help!

Overzealous BB&B worker goes back to stocking shelf near us. I notice she has strangely spiked hair with streaks of blonde and is really, really, really tan for someone who is living in the Northern Hemisphere where it is winter.

Me, to HP: Why not this cutting board? It's nice. I like the dark wood color.

Overzealous BB&B worker: YOU COULD USE IT TO CUT YOUR ONION ON AND THEN GET THE ONION SAVER!!!

Me: We just need a cutting board right now. But thanks. Again.

Overzealous BB&B worker: NO PROBLEM! LET ME KNOW IF CAN HELP YOU ANY MORE!

A lesser known impact from the country's shit-ass economy: store workers are actually losing their minds.

And the winner is...

I am jazzed about the Academy Awards tonight! I plan to be on the couch from red carpet to credits. Hot Pants and I are having a party (complete with little plastic Oscar statuettes and movie-themed paper plates), and we hope to make an annual event out of it. Yay for themed soirees! On Friday, we took advantage of the local arts cinema's showing of this year's Oscar-nominated animated shorts. They were fantastic! Especially, Pixar's "Presto."

If we're all very, very lucky, Gary Busey will be on the red carpet again this year. That man is one entertaining sack of crazy.

(Company name deleted) can JUMP UP MY ASS

In search of a new handyman, we called the local franchise of a Big National Home Repair Company with good Angie's List recs. We'd had some disappointments with our last fix-it dude and were giving the folks at BNHRC a tryout of sorts. Hot Pants and I are not exactly handy, so we need a hammer-wielding type to keep our stuff in order. Plus, we'd rather it get fixed correctly instead of continuing to patch it ourselves with what amounts to bandaids from Lowe's.

The guy -- let's call him Bob -- arrived ON TIME. A good sign. We did a happy dance in our heads. He had a short list of tasks: re-caulk the upstairs bathtub because it's leaking into the downstairs ceiling, fix two retarded door knobs and secure our basement door (as HP says, it's held together with spit and wishes). Keep in mind the company costs $75 an hour, plus supplies.

Bob didn't have the right stuff to fix the door, so he had to make a trip to our Lowe's, which is about a mile away. An hour later, she shows back up at the house. We're more than a little concerned at this point. He explains he couldn't find a strike plate at Lowe's, so he had to go to Home Depot, which is a few miles away. So, we paid $75 for him to drive around and find a strike plate when a simple phone call would have given him the same information. He did the rest of his tasks, working a total of three hours to the tune of $350. We're annoyed, but everything seemed to work just fine. Plus, he was a very nice person and didn't set off my creep-o-meter in the slightest, which is not always my experience when it comes to Men Who Fix Things Using Their Hands.

Here's where the story gets good.

Two days later, the caulk on the tub cracked and it became painfully obvious that the door knobs are complete pieces of shit that should have just been replaced rather than repaired. Maybe it would have been nice if Bob had made such a suggestion. Plus, the basement door is still not secure.

HP is boiling, stemming from his long, sordid history of bad experiences with home repair/construction people. He posts a review on Angie's List that is nice but lays out why we were unhappy with BNHRC's service. I call BNHRC to let them know we are not pleased and need the caulking redone. Douchebag Customer Service Rep vows to get back to me the next day. I don't hear from him the next day. Or the next. So, I call him and he's all "Oh, I was about to call you." Mmm hmm. He insists that we signed off on the work and that Bob tried to tell us that we needed to blah blah blah. I told him I'd have HP call him back, as I don't know what conversations he had with Bob.

Then I find out that Douchebag Customer Service Rep has put up a nasty reply to HP's post on Angie's List, calling HP "cheap" and saying he was "adamant about not spending money on his repairs." I hit the fucking ceiling.

We paid you $350, you sack of shit. Don't call my boyfriend cheap when the fucking caulk in our tub didn't go ONE FUCKING DAY without cracking. I can't help that your workers are so fucking incompetent that it takes them three hours to do incorrectly what my infant niece could have done in 45 minutes, you son of a bitch.

Pant, pant, pant.

Yes, HP has handled all follow-up calls with the company since then. Probably best, since I am still on the verge of yelling every time I think about how we were treated. BNHRC has agreed to send a different handyman (Bob II) to our house next week to redo all of the work for free. I think HP should insist that the company take down the nasty Angie's List post, but he wants to wait until we get our shit fixed before we do anything else to irritate the home-repair gods.
Meanwhile, we are searching for another home repair service that we can trust. I don't think it's too much to ask for quality, competent service and a reasonable price.

NOTE: If you want the name of this piece of shit home repair company, post your e-mail address and I'll send it to you. Otherwise, just know that they are the devil.

So far, so good

Tonight was the first edition of "American Idol: Let's Cut the Bullshit and Name the Top 12 Already." I like the way they're narrowing down this year, as the first phase of Idol gets a bit tedious what with the dramatic, touching family stories and Paula's rambling. After much ado, it was revealed that the first three Idols are Alexis, Michael and Danny. I was hoping adorable Anoop would make it through despite his meh rendition of Monica's "Angel of Mine," but Amuricah decided the oil rig roughneck was better than the brown man with the strange, scary sounding name. Figures. I adore Danny, (good singer! recent widower! the whole package!) Plus he's a dead ringer for Robert Downey Jr. in the pre-crack, pre-prison days. (Think "Back to School.") And I totally love Alexis, who is from my hometown (Memphis, represent!) and a single mom at 21. Awww. The best news is that crazy-ass Tatiana was voted off the island. Thank God I don't have to watch her anymore.

Now THAT'S supercomputing!

I have mentioned before Hot Pants' deep and abiding love for blinky boxes. I don't really get what most of them do, except to make it difficult for me to figure out how to turn on the DVD player. [Put the HDMI thingee with the blue lights on 2, put the receiver on the DVR setting (not DVD, see?) and then make sure the TV is on HDMI 1 (not 2, as would make sense with the HDMI thingee being on 1). ] But now he's brought in the mother of all blinky boxes. We have a Mac Mini attached to our 47-inch 1080p HD television, which means I am posting this on the largest computer monitor in the world. (HP just said that's not accurate, but I don't care. It's the largest computer monitor in MY world.) It's actually really, really cool. We just watched "Birds of America" through our Netflix subscription, which includes free Internet streaming. (HP just said we also could have done that on the XBox, but thinking about it makes my head hurt.) Plus, he got bluetooth keyboard and mouse, which means I have no wires running across the living room from the TV to the couch. It's, of course, something we could have done with the THREE laptops in our house (and the fourth one we lent to a friend for him to write his ninja-pirate-zombie movie script). BUT, I digress.

I don't get why we needed it, but I think it's fucking awesome. Now, let's see if we ever use it.

In honor of romantics everywhere

Say Anything (Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes) - Watch more amazing videos here

Reality TV notes

The "American Idol" judges have lost their minds. This is the only explanation for how they could let this girl be an Idol. Tatiana, you are one crazy bitch. I can't believe I have to hear that laugh again. Gag.

Over on Bravo, the "Top Chef" judges decided to cut Leah, even though Stefan's dish was nasty and overcooked. How can you be a chef if you don't know how to cook salmon properly? Plus, he's an ass. Meanwhile, I am totally in love with Fabio. A few weeks ago, Fabio declared the show to be "'Top Chef,' not 'Top Scallop.'" And last night, after breaking his finger and then continuing to cook, he told Leah that the show is "'Top Chef,' not 'Top Pussy.'" HILARIOUS. Carla has grown on me, too. I thought she was annoying at first, but she's really started to show her charming personality. She's a dark horse for winner, for sure. Watch out, Stefan!

Stuff I Don't Get, Vol. 1

The first in an occasional series about shit that totally baffles me.

• John Mayer -- Really? It's like listening to Boring and Blah's even more bland lovechild. Plus, he's kind of skeezy.
  
• Crocs -- I do not want to hear how fucking comfortable they are. They are hideous. Wearing them makes you look, from knees down, like Bozo the Clown taking a turn at gardening on a lazy Saturday.
  
• Thomas Kinkade -- The painter of generic, out-of-focus, hokey landscapes and cottages. How does this man sell anything ever?
  
• Footless leggings -- There is never, ever a reason to wear them. Ever. Ever. Ever. I'm willing to shed blood over this.
  
• Pet costumes/clothing -- My dog has a sweater because he weighs 8 pounds and shivers when the thermometer registers below 65 degrees, not because I think he looks cute in it. It's functional. The pumpkin costume/faux Burberry rain coat/"I'm the boss" T-shirt your dog is wearing does not count as functional, therefore it is stupid. And kind of nauseating.
• Entitled vs. titled -- Books are titled. CDs are titled. Plays are titled. THEY ARE NOT ENTITLED. I am entitled to judge you if you use "entitled" incorrectly.
  
• Vera Bradley -- Quilted old lady tote bags that are supposed to be hip for young girls? Um, no.
• Throwing cigarette butts out the car window -- Hi. I totally respect your right to ruin yourself by smoking. Please respect me by not throwing your butts on the ground. I'm sure you have some sort of receptacle in your car that could hold the butts, so why don't you do both of us a favor and not tempt me to stick them up your nose?
• Lamps vs. overhead lights -- As long as I can read, I don't really give a shit what is producing the light. I am alone in this opinion among the two people who live in my house. *Rolls eyes*
  

Waaaaaah

I have a cold. And I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it, but I'm the worst sick person ever. EVER. I'm grumpy, needy and mopey all at the same time. Plus, all I want to eat when I'm sick is the fattiest, greasiest, most carb-filled deliciousness. Yesterday, I had cinnamon bread, a hot dog (it was lite!), tater tots, a Zesto Arctic Freeze with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and 13 buffalo wings. OH MY GOD. I haven't eaten that much unhealthy food in the last two months combined. And today? All I wanted was pasta. Pasta. Pasta. Pasta. With cream sauce. And Parmesan. Mmmmm.